baumtod music mix: dec. '17 - exit bliss, enter entropy.

final music mix - leaving 2017 behind, eyeing up 2018.

i should maybe write a few words for a gone & a new year, but my head is currently pretty empty & dry. that's probably also the reason why i keep posting so sparsely and adding a huge delay. i am truly sorry. remember, at the beginning of 2017, when i was hoping to catch up with everything and maybe start some realtime blogging? writing more? doing more? well, you see, it all didn't work out.

so for this year i keep it low, the bar of expectation. 2017 wasn't really great for me ( as apparently all years turn out to be, or is it just me? ) i mean, there were good moments ( vacations always are, concerts, too, little meet-ups with friends ), but there were more shitty ones to be honest. on a personal level i felt really sad, empty, longing, burnt out most of the time. exhausting stuff was thrown in, cancelled concerts, hospital visits ( my brother was diagnosed with testicle tumor - which was bad, but he got through it, which brought hope that he might change his life, but as of now little did change... ), my car broke down completely & i had to buy a new one, i had more than one breakdown at work & i had to come to terms with the fact that romance is simply not on my life plan. in addition to that the world has been in turmoil all the way through 2017 and it still looks like it's on the edge of world war III.

so what to make of that? to be honest, i don't know. for me only a few small things are on my agenda. staying calm when stress is increasing. not engaging in bad-mouthing & drama at work. scale down lengthy talks. try being less self-centered & listen more to what other people have to say. taking myself out of the equation, like... emotionally. not getting hyped up about stressors.

little things, you know? 2018 will be a year of little expectations for me.

what will it be for you?

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july '20: lake petersdorf discoveries and a plea against genocide.

the green wild meadows of malchow's sandfeld. in the west of malchow there is a big chunk of forest that spans towards plauer see, a widely 'uncultivated' area these days, but it hasn't always been this way. in my last post i mentioned the nazi munition factory that had been built in these woods, away from prying eyes of their enemies and where they also built an external subcamp for the concentration camp ravensbrück. exactly these woods we explored on a pretty sunny day, betraying the darkness that happened around these parts. isn't it weird that there are places in this world that were built or used by dark forces and horrible regimes and you vist them 80 years later and they are the most peaceful places you can imagine? sometimes my brain can't cope with the contrast of knowing what was in the past and what the present looks and feels like. it definitely leaves me with a strange impression often, kind of like a little sting in my heart and brain that is not ...

may '20: seeking modernism.

super pink rhododendron buds emerging! i start off this post with some flower images to appreciate and praise the time of spring, especially the month of may, which is the most abundant spring month to me personally. all the blossoms, all the fresh greens amass during may, and my heart and mind are hardly ever able to not frolick & gush about it all! for this post i am returning to one walk i did with the sole purpose to find a special mid-century villa in königstein ( which would ultimately prove to be a failure - i did find it, but i couldn't approach it properly to have a good look at it and only ever saw a tiny bit of the garden/forest side ). the whole walk was not a letdown, though, as i did find some other mid-century & brutalism gems and thoroughly enjoyed walking through the old spa town in the taunus mountains. rhododendron shrubs yield all kinds of different blossoms in myriad colours, they are easy to breed, therefore a wide variety can be found all over the wor...

november: thuringian forest.

the day we visited the thuringian forest near luisenthal we would also receive the death notice of my cousin. while the day in luisenthal was pretty magic - i even found a goat skull to take home for my not so fast growing skull collection - the time we got home and received the phone call of my grandmother, everything went dull. we always had hoped for him to recover - over the course of his sickness there were multiple times we'd thought he was on his way up, but that also counted for the times it was clear that the cancer was severe and probably not defeatable. in the end he fought four years, but he couldn't conquer. his constant optimism & general good will wasn't enough as his body decided to give up on him. i'm still thinking a lot about him, he was such a good natured guy, always seeing the good in everything and everyone. it's so strange to know that he's never going to be on any future family party gathering again. we discussed so many things whe...

ghost of nature.

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