baumtod music mix: dec. '17 - exit bliss, enter entropy.

final music mix - leaving 2017 behind, eyeing up 2018.

i should maybe write a few words for a gone & a new year, but my head is currently pretty empty & dry. that's probably also the reason why i keep posting so sparsely and adding a huge delay. i am truly sorry. remember, at the beginning of 2017, when i was hoping to catch up with everything and maybe start some realtime blogging? writing more? doing more? well, you see, it all didn't work out.

so for this year i keep it low, the bar of expectation. 2017 wasn't really great for me ( as apparently all years turn out to be, or is it just me? ) i mean, there were good moments ( vacations always are, concerts, too, little meet-ups with friends ), but there were more shitty ones to be honest. on a personal level i felt really sad, empty, longing, burnt out most of the time. exhausting stuff was thrown in, cancelled concerts, hospital visits ( my brother was diagnosed with testicle tumor - which was bad, but he got through it, which brought hope that he might change his life, but as of now little did change... ), my car broke down completely & i had to buy a new one, i had more than one breakdown at work & i had to come to terms with the fact that romance is simply not on my life plan. in addition to that the world has been in turmoil all the way through 2017 and it still looks like it's on the edge of world war III.

so what to make of that? to be honest, i don't know. for me only a few small things are on my agenda. staying calm when stress is increasing. not engaging in bad-mouthing & drama at work. scale down lengthy talks. try being less self-centered & listen more to what other people have to say. taking myself out of the equation, like... emotionally. not getting hyped up about stressors.

little things, you know? 2018 will be a year of little expectations for me.

what will it be for you?

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november: kickelhahn, himmelblau & weimar cemetery.

i had a week off in november and visited my parents ( as i often do on my vacations ). on a sunday morning we headed to the thuringian forest to climb onto the peak of the kickelhahn mountain. the kickelhahn mountain is the landmark mountain of the city of ilmenau . johann wolfgang von goethe , the famous writer & philosopher, often visited ilmenau and also climbed the kickelhahn. oftentimes he stopped at a little hut in the woods to relax for a while and on one of these stops he wrote one of his most known poems. our little adventure didn't last the whole day, though, as we had a little date with the weimar cemetery to look after the grave of my grandparents and then to visit my cousin and his family. tiny peek onto the kickelhahn tower. thuringian woods - deep dark green. at the goethe hut. this plate shows the german version of the poem goethe wrote here. inside the hut. and here's the english translation. i love this poem so much, as ...

in the forests.

it's that time of the year again.

july '20: lake petersdorf discoveries and a plea against genocide.

the green wild meadows of malchow's sandfeld. in the west of malchow there is a big chunk of forest that spans towards plauer see, a widely 'uncultivated' area these days, but it hasn't always been this way. in my last post i mentioned the nazi munition factory that had been built in these woods, away from prying eyes of their enemies and where they also built an external subcamp for the concentration camp ravensbrück. exactly these woods we explored on a pretty sunny day, betraying the darkness that happened around these parts. isn't it weird that there are places in this world that were built or used by dark forces and horrible regimes and you vist them 80 years later and they are the most peaceful places you can imagine? sometimes my brain can't cope with the contrast of knowing what was in the past and what the present looks and feels like. it definitely leaves me with a strange impression often, kind of like a little sting in my heart and brain that is not ...

ghost of nature.

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