meandering from here to there.

a lot of things happen lately. days go by too fast, almost, but i try to enjoy every minute of them. it's like i barely have enough time for myself. the decision of letting go off my hunger for love ( you know, that love a woman is supposed to feel towards a man or the other way 'round. ) was the best i have done yet. you know, i love life so much more now. i don't pressure myself anymore. i don't care about my being strange anymore. i am. it's a fact. and it's exactly what i want. i want to be myself, so my decision was easy. i feel nauseaous when being around guys, have to choke myself down. and i hate this feeling. never knowing what they think about me. and then realizing that they don't even do think about me in a special way. it hurts. it hurt. but i don't want it to hurt me anymore. so that's it. enough. just enjoying my time here on earth. i have enough love in my life. and if this love will be gone someday, if death comes and takes my dear ones, then i will know that it was a good time we had on earth. concentrating on these relationships is much more worth than waiting for one that may never come.

nici and me.

soaking wet after a small thunderstorm.

another animal park visit with my dearest l.!

picknicking!

an old wolf, blind on one eye.

chewing bread.

wild boar piglets!

dead rabbit for the wild cats.

being a cool cat.

or a chill out cat.

the nutrias have a new home! now you can examine them so much better!

baby nutria!

it was so adorable!

foot love with l.

and lying under redwoods is the best thing ever. these trees are so majestic and so full of life. i really want to visit america in the future and visit a whole lot more of these gigantic guys. because the ones we were lying under were relatively small and young.

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november: kickelhahn, himmelblau & weimar cemetery.

i had a week off in november and visited my parents ( as i often do on my vacations ). on a sunday morning we headed to the thuringian forest to climb onto the peak of the kickelhahn mountain. the kickelhahn mountain is the landmark mountain of the city of ilmenau . johann wolfgang von goethe , the famous writer & philosopher, often visited ilmenau and also climbed the kickelhahn. oftentimes he stopped at a little hut in the woods to relax for a while and on one of these stops he wrote one of his most known poems. our little adventure didn't last the whole day, though, as we had a little date with the weimar cemetery to look after the grave of my grandparents and then to visit my cousin and his family. tiny peek onto the kickelhahn tower. thuringian woods - deep dark green. at the goethe hut. this plate shows the german version of the poem goethe wrote here. inside the hut. and here's the english translation. i love this poem so much, as ...

in the forests.

it's that time of the year again.

july '20: lake petersdorf discoveries and a plea against genocide.

the green wild meadows of malchow's sandfeld. in the west of malchow there is a big chunk of forest that spans towards plauer see, a widely 'uncultivated' area these days, but it hasn't always been this way. in my last post i mentioned the nazi munition factory that had been built in these woods, away from prying eyes of their enemies and where they also built an external subcamp for the concentration camp ravensbrück. exactly these woods we explored on a pretty sunny day, betraying the darkness that happened around these parts. isn't it weird that there are places in this world that were built or used by dark forces and horrible regimes and you vist them 80 years later and they are the most peaceful places you can imagine? sometimes my brain can't cope with the contrast of knowing what was in the past and what the present looks and feels like. it definitely leaves me with a strange impression often, kind of like a little sting in my heart and brain that is not ...

ghost of nature.

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