i get really excited whenever spring arrives and there is the possibility to visit my parents around that time. their garden is always so full of flowers & plants, so full of growth & lush colours that it warms my heart in ways that i would describe as a burst of joy. every year i also realize that i'm longing to return to this garden and imagine moving back into the neighborhood of my parents. i don't know if you ever get this feeling that when you think of your family you wonder how long they still will be able to travel with you, work on the house & garden and generally will be fit & hale. this thought alone makes me want to cringe, because in actuality i don't want my parents to ever die. of course it will be inevitable, but it still hurts a lot to just think about it. and then i think about if it wouldn't be better if i moved back to thuringia, somewhere were i am still close to my parents in case of emergencies, but far away enough to not get tired of them. it would be a possibility, but when i think about it even deeper i never know if this is really what i'd want. which also brings me to another dilemma, because i don't know what i really want and what my heart actually yearns for. i've had this problem forever, since i was a kid. i can't seem to feel into my intuition and find an easy answer, and follow it along, it's impossible. i think my problem is that my brain always finds negative aspects and they will weigh much more than a possible glimpse of happiness that isn't even guaranteed to happen. i know this is the wrong way to think about it, and i tried to overcome the fear & anxiety my brain is plaguing me with, but at the end of the day my brain wins over my heart everytime. i realize this is a way of life no one should consider for themselves, because of course, without risk you will never gain something. but what can i do to shut off my brain & follow my 'heart' if i don't even believe in my heart being a good advisor? i don't trust it, which is a sad thing to say, especially when your brain is something you don't trust either, right?
this got a little complicated along the way, let's hop onto the visuals.
red poppies & dame's rocket against concrete walls.
beautiful blossom i couldn't identify. i do believe they might be affiliated with pokeberry weed.
i do believe these are carnations.
close-up of a red poppy.
and even closer.
snowball tree blossoms.
shadows on the balcony balustrade.
another clematis, this time a mostly white one with pink details.
my parent's house.
big fat peonies.
flowering onion blossoms.
i really like the ball form of their florescence.
view into the sky through tree leaves.
the early morning light coming in through the kitchen blinds.
and the hall... i really loved this moment, so quiet & slightly magic.
i also made a walk along the unstrut river with my mother. i love it when nature blazes in spring with all these green explosions.
found a blue-tailed damsel-fly.
duck family doing a day trip.
this little pond next to the river is probably my favourite place in sömmerda.
another duck mama doing kindergarten work on the lake, this time with much younger ducklings.
overlooking the river again.
one part of the river is used for kayaking as well.
a last view on the little pond from earlier.
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