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december: loss & past.

after we took farewell of my cousin i had the urge to look through old photos, because it's true: if someone you know dies, you want to dive back into your memories, so the picture of the person who passed away doesn't vanish so quickly. i found some really cute and wonderful pictures of my childhood... a time i now look back as carefree and extremely distant. that kid on those pictures... it was a happy me, a discovering the world me, a me that did not know the hardships of life yet. the future was still far away for this child, and it had hope and dreams. when i look at myself now i get immensely sad about it. i became nothing. i am so sorry for this beautiful child, me, for not staying beautiful, in soul & appearance. sadness isn't even describing it properly.

i also took the beirette camera with me, my parents don't use it and i want to try it out somewhen, in the future. i just really love old cameras and will display it as an oddity until that happens, though.

my dearest cousin. he was in spain back when the photo was shot and he already knew of his cancer. i feel that this picture shows quite perfect what kind of person he was. determined to fight and go on with his studies, always looking at the bright side of life. i do miss him.

my beautiful animals skulls. i thought about bleaching them, but actually, i really dig the naturalness.

a better look at the pictures i took with me. on the first my mother and me are enjoying time at the baltic sea, i look really happy. the sea is still making me comfortable whenever i visit it. second: family picture -  i love how my dad looks at my mother and how we look like such a perfect family. third: me and my brother rocking out. the flying hair of mine is just hilarious. i gifted this picture to my brother last christmas together with a more recent one of us both. we have a strange relationship to each other - it's a bit problematic because he did a lot of things that were tumultuous to our family - but at the end of the day i kind of like him anyways. fourth: me modeling a cute dress. fifth: playing with the coal. oh man, i wish i'd remember this. i wish i'd remember more details of my childhood, it seems that all these pictures must belong to a different person. last: taking a bath. i loved taking baths and swimming, i learned to swim at the age of 5 or 6.

a better look at the beirette. i wish i'd be better with technical things, i probably wouldn't be scared so much about trying and working this camera out. i just don't want to destroy it.


a picture of me, now.

sometimes i like to look at the pretty pictures of kyo's photobook before i'm falling asleep.

my only christmas tree this year. it still stands.

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