ghost of nature.

after we took farewell of my cousin i had the urge to look through old photos, because it's true: if someone you know dies, you want to dive back into your memories, so the picture of the person who passed away doesn't vanish so quickly. i found some really cute and wonderful pictures of my childhood... a time i now look back as carefree and extremely distant. that kid on those pictures... it was a happy me, a discovering the world me, a me that did not know the hardships of life yet. the future was still far away for this child, and it had hope and dreams. when i look at myself now i get immensely sad about it. i became nothing. i am so sorry for this beautiful child, me, for not staying beautiful, in soul & appearance. sadness isn't even describing it properly. i also took the beirette camera with me, my parents don't use it and i want to try it out somewhen, in the future. i just really love old cameras and will display it as an oddity until that happens, ...

the last days of november were spent with little christmas preparations like spraypainting fir cones. and i photographed my cat, because she's so beautiful. and i marvelled at the dozens of little blossoms of my schlumbergera plants. so basically, these pictures are a mix of everything. my beloved shadow cat. pink leaves. christmas mood in late november. through the living room window. spikey blossom of an unknown exotic plant residing at my parent's place. my skulls. remember that i found a sheep skull while on our trip in the thuringian mountains? there it is. the deer skull i found on a bicycle ride together with my dad, quite a few years ago. blossom resplendance.

the day we visited the thuringian forest near luisenthal we would also receive the death notice of my cousin. while the day in luisenthal was pretty magic - i even found a goat skull to take home for my not so fast growing skull collection - the time we got home and received the phone call of my grandmother, everything went dull. we always had hoped for him to recover - over the course of his sickness there were multiple times we'd thought he was on his way up, but that also counted for the times it was clear that the cancer was severe and probably not defeatable. in the end he fought four years, but he couldn't conquer. his constant optimism & general good will wasn't enough as his body decided to give up on him. i'm still thinking a lot about him, he was such a good natured guy, always seeing the good in everything and everyone. it's so strange to know that he's never going to be on any future family party gathering again. we discussed so many things whe...